Bardock the Babysitter
by Saiyan Of Royal Blood
Summary: Bardock is feeling poor. So in order to make more money he must babysit prince Vegeta, plus his two sons, baby Kakarot and teenage Raditz. What could go wrong?
1. Chapter 1: Father Son Bonding

Father Son Bonding

One day on planet Vegeta, Bardock woke up in his bed one morning feeling poor.

"POOR!", he thought, "Why should I feel poor. I have two healthy growing boys; I got my own crib; and I'm the leader of my own crew."

But then Bardock began to think harder.

"I have two annoying boys; I live in a four room apartment (one bathroom, one bedroom, a kitchen, and a living-room); and me and my crew are labeled as low-level soldiers."

Then Bardock began to think even more harder.

"I have two VERY annoying boys; me and my son share a fucking bunk bed ; and out of my five men crew (besides me) I only like two (Tora and Fasha). The rest can be very annoying." But as Bardock was thinking, his thoughts were interrupted by the sound that annoys him the most.

"Raditz", mumbled Bardock as he was kicking the roof of his bottom bunk bed to wake up Raditz, "RADITZ, WAKE UP RADITZ!" he yelled, " Your damn brother is crying again."

"Yeah", mumbled a sleepy, 15-year-old Raditz , "And what do you want me to do about it?"

"I want you to get off your lazy ass and push your headache giving, god damn crying baby brothers crib into the living room so I can get some fucking sleep!", an angry Bardock ordered, while placing his pillow over his head.

A tired Raditz climbed down from his top bunk bed and did as his father demanded, with no complaints. As he walked back into the one bedroom, he was sure to shut the door, to block out Kakarots never-ending hollering. But as Raditz climbed back into his top bunk bed and got comfortable, a pissed off Bardock startled him.

"Ah… , what the fuck do you think you're doing", Bardock said sounding pissed, "It's a Friday morning! It's a Friday morning and you're trying to sleep! It's a Friday morning and you're trying to sleep while I fucking STARVE to death! Me, the only one who makes the fucking money around here STARVE! Me, the only…"

"Okay dad", a sleepy Raditz mumbled, interrupting Bardocks angry speech, "I'll get up and make us some breakfast.", he said as he jumped off his bed and ran out the door, slamming it, as he was trying to avoid his father starting up his speech again.

"Dumbass", mumbled a sleepy Bardock.

"Dick", said a pissed Raditz, trying to stop his brothers crying, so he can make breakfast for all three of the hungry, grouchy Saiyans in peace.

About 15 minutes later, Raditz had gotten Kakarot to stop crying.

Bardock noticed how Kakarot stopped his crying, so with both the boys out of the room he decided to go back to his thoughts.

"So where was I?… Oh yeah I'm poor. Lets think how I can change that. I can't make my boys less annoying, so I'm going to have to live with that. And my crew ain't that bad, in fact we're better than low-levels. Yeah, it's just that if your labeled as low-levels, you get paid like a low-level and Frieza doesn't have retesting for your level until another five years. And that's the reason why I have a shitty apartment, because of my shitty pay. So, is there away to change that?

Bardock began to think harder.

"I feel poor because I need more money… Of course, more money is what I need and I need it NOW! But how? Another job? But I'm only good at fighting, like everybody else. Oh man! Now I wish I didn't listen to my dad and dropped out of school and got an early job to help pay bills… Hay, I could have Raditz do like I did and get a job instead of that education stuff. Besides, it doesn't seem to me that the education stuff is doing him any good. The boy's a dumbass! Don't get that from my side off the family… Nope, not at all." _(That's what he thinks!)_

Bardock began to think even more harder.

"No, like I said he's a dumbass, he'll probably fuck that up. Besides he's to busy cooking and cleaning, and taking care of his baby brother. And he really needs school, I guess it helps to have a little education… Wait that's it! We can sell that damn headache giving, crying all the time Kakarot! He don't do nothing to help no way. Six-month-old, my ass. Grow some balls and suck it up… Wait, who wants to buy a baby? Man, I can't think straight when I'm hungry. Why is Raditz taking so long, I never thought so hard in my life. But I'm thinking about my life… My life sucks, my kids lives suck, I suck! Well… no I don't. Do I?"

Bardock sat up in bed and thought to him self out loud.

"Wait that's it! I know what to do. I just go to King Vegeta and tell him I want a raise! He knows that me and my crew have been working hard lately! I mean we've been conquering two planets every month! He'll have to say yes! And if I go there by myself, instead of with my crew, he'll say yes if it's just me! Sorry guys but I need the extra cash."

* * *

So, how did I do? Was it funny? Should I go on? To much swearing? Let me know.


	2. Chapter 2: Best Friends with King Vegeta

Best Friends with King Vegeta

"Asking for a raise! That has to be the best thing I thought up all day", said Bardock as he was thinking out loud to himself.

And with that _(smart)_ idea, Bardock happily leaped out of bed. But his joy was quickly replaced with anger as he was reminded of his hunger.

"RADITZ!", he screamed in a high pitched voice _(almost, just a little bit, sounding like Goku)_, "RADITZ, DON'T TELL ME YOUR STILL COOKING THE BREAKFAST!", he screamed as he left the one bedroom _(Bardocks, Raditzs, and Kakarots bedroom)_ hurried through the living-room (where Kakarot sleeps in his crib) and ran into the kitchen to find Raditz.

"Dad calm down please. Breakfast is ready, it just needs to cool down first", said an annoyed and still sleepy Raditz.

"Well, what took so damn long!? I'm fucking starving, what do you expect" Bardock asked as he took a seat at the three chaired dinner table. "And shit I'm a Saiyan, I don't need my damn food cooled. You try and remember that."

"What took me so long is that I had to get baby brother to stop his crying. And I also fed him" mumbled Raditz, as he served his dad breakfast.

"YOU FED HIM", said a pissed bardock, "Shit, that little brat don't do nothing to even get hungry no way, and YOU FED HIM! Next time feed me first before you go shoving anything down that little monsters throat."

"What ever you say dad", said a sarcastic Raditz as he sat down to eat.

The two hungry Saiyans ate every last drop without speaking. Because as you know Saiyans eat first than talk.

After the meal was over, Raditz was washing the dishes as Bardock sat there and relaxed.

"Raditz", Bardock said calmly, "Have you ever felt poor", he asked nervously, not knowing what his son would say.

"Well daa", Raditz said, being a smart alec, as he washed the dishes.

"Your already a dumbass. What, you want to be a smartass to about it… Shit, I only asked because today I just realized that we were poor" Bardock said annoyed as he leaned back in his chair.

"Dad", said Raditz, "Do you want to know why we have no extra money to spend on ourselves", he asked.

"I already know why. It's because only 25% of the money is being spent on the important stuff and the rest of the 75% is being spent on stupid stuff." Bardock said as he was doing the most math he ever did in his life.

"No dad", said a confused Raditz, "You mean it's the other way around. 25% of the money is being spent on stupid stuff and the rest of the 75% is being spent on the important stuff."

"Ha, it depends on what you think is important", said Bardock.

"Dad, bills, clothing, and food is WAY more important then drugs, alcohol, and Saiyan hookers", said Raditz, annoyed with being the only responsible adult in the house.

"There you go trying to be a smartass again. So you keep your damn opinions to yourself", said Bardock, feeling insulted. "And look, I make all the moneys around here so I'm the one who gets to label what's important and what's not."

"Look dad, you don't have to put an "s" at the end of the word money. I mean the word speaks for itself", said Raditz, correcting his father.

"No you look boy, when your in my household I'm never wrong! Like I said, I make all the moneySSS around here!", Bardock said with a hard "s". "So anyway, today I was planning on seeing King Vegeta to ask for a raise."

"What a RAISE! But dad around here there is no such thing. You know why? Because, none have ever been given, by King Vegeta", said a shocked and embarrassed Raditz. "Oh man, why dose my dad have to be such a moron", Raditz thought to himself.

"Oh yeah, well guess what, back in high school , before I dropped out, me and King Vegeta use to be best friends! So there you go Raditz, do you feel like a dumbass now", Bardock said, feeling smart.

"You two were BEST FRIENDS!", Raditz said as he was now drying the dishes. "Wait a minute, he's was the damn prince, everybody was probably his "best friend"!", thought Raditz.

"Sure was", said Bardock, feeling proud, "So anyway, I should get going now and oh yeah, give me the rent money. I'll pay the rent on the way out."

"But dad, remember the last time I gave you the rent money and you spent it all on alcohol!?", Raditz asked sounding worried, "We had to go stay with mom for a month! And don't forget her new husband, Herb. I mean what type of name is Herb anyway?"

"All I want to do is pay the rent, not get crunk.", Bardock said.

"You promise", asked Raditz.

"I promise", said Bardock, "No getting crunk, go pay rent."

"Okay, but I have a bad feeling about this", said Raditz nervously.


	3. Chapter 3: Lets get Crunk

Lets get Crunk

Once Raditz was done drying the dishes he pulled out the box, where he keeps all the money saved for the rent, and gives it to Bardock.

All the while he thinks to himself…

"I don't know why I am doing this, I already know what he's going to do. He such a moron if he thinks that I really trust him. I just don't care anymore. Nobody likes Bardock anymore, anyway. That's because of that one time, when he told everyone that he was given the ability to see into the future, and that Frieza was going to kill off our whole race, and everyone believed him, but Frieza did nothing. That's what he gets for being a drunk."

Two weeks ago…

"Zarbon do you hear this on your scouter as well? Somehow Bardock knows of my plans and is telling all the Saiyans. But the moron left his scouter on and I am hearing the whole thing! Lets wait it out a bit before we destory those monkeys, so that this Bardock can look like the imbecile that he is."

Now…

"All right now I should be on my way", said Bardock, ready to leave.

"But dad, you're going to see King Vegeta and you haven't even washed up yet", said Raditz as he was about to put up the rent money box.

"Oh yeah, I should wash up", said Bardock, not so ready to leave. But just then little Kakarot woke up from his nap crying.

"Oh shit, not this sound again! This must be my signal to leave", said a super ready to go, Bardock as he ran out the door. "See ya!", he said. "Sure the hell wouldn't wanna be ya", he thought to himself.

* * *

"Now where to first", thought Bardock as he flown in the direction of the palace. "The bar is closer, I should go there first. Besides, I am my smarterestes when I'm Krunk anyway." _(That's pronounced smart-er-est-es.)_

So Bardock made his way over to his favorite Saiyan bar, called Super Insane-ian _(pun to the word Super Saiyan)_, got totally wasted and began flirting with _(as he likes to call them)_ hot Saiyan mamas.

"So what's up baby, why don't you ditch the bitch and come home with a real Saiyan warrior", said Bardock, very drunkenly and nasty.

"Bardock, are you fucking stalking me!? I'm your ex wife, remember?", said Nina, his ex wife who works at his favorite bar. _(This is where they first met, how romantic.)_

"Well now we know I'm still attracted to ya, baby. Why won't you take me back", said a pitiful Bardock.

"Security, my ex husband is harassing me again", screamed a working Nina.

The Security came and kicked him out _(literally)_, but were sure to make him pay for all his drinks first.

"Alright", thought Bardock, still outside the bar, "Time to go see King Vegeta now."

* * *

At the palace, there were guards guarding the front door.

"Okay, after my little incident two weeks ago they're definitely not going to let me in." thought a very drunk Bardock, "So I'll have to cause a distraction and sneak in."

So, Bardock began to shot random ki blasts everywhere, but all the guards scouters went off and they instantly knew where Bardock was. So they captured him, and took him to King Vegeta.

"King Vegeta, we found this drunken Bardock outside. He was shooting off ki blasts everywhere.", said one of the guards.

"Wow all in the same month, right Bardock. What's wrong with you?", asked a very annoyed King Vegeta.

"Nothing sire, I just came here to ask for a raise is all. And like, I knew they wouldn't let me in, so I had…", said Bardock, as he got cut off.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait… You're here to ask me for a raise!? Get this fool out of my sight before I blast him!", screamed the angry king. But just then Prince Vegeta barged in unannounced, like he owns the place. _(Our little four-year-old, spiky haired friend!)_

"Daddy, I want a new sparring partner. Those lame saibamen don't know how to fight. Why don't you just spar with me?", asked Prince Vegeta.

"Vegeta, don't you see I'm in the middle of something. Go spar with Nappa", ordered King Vegeta.

"I already did and I broke him. I need a new sparring partner now.", said the prince, as he turned his head to see Bardock.

"Isn't that the retard who thinks Frieza's gonna kill us.", thought Vegeta, "Yeah, that is him!" "Hay lame-o!", said Vegeta, "I can see the future too, and my daddy kills you in it, and makes everybody happy. And we all celebrate the day of your death", Prince Vegeta teased making the guards laugh.

Bardock began trying to hold in his anger, but it was quite clear that he was getting very angry with the prince. This gave King Vegeta an idea.

"Bardock, on second thought I think I will give you that raise. But only if you agree on babysitting my son for the week end, "said King Vegeta with a smile.

"Ah…, baby sit your son? ", said a shocked Bardock. "But sire, I have a mission this week."

"Well then, after you bring him back on Sunday, I'll pay you for the mission you'll miss, and plus your raise of course", said King Vegeta.

"Okay", said a very happy Bardock, "I'll do it, no problem!"

"But daddy I don't wanna go with him! He even smells like a bum!", said a pouty Vegeta.

"Bardock you go home. I'll send Vegeta over to your place after I have a talk with him", said King Vegeta.


	4. Chapter 4: Eight Important Rules

Eight Important Rules

Friday, 3:00 pm

Bardock made his way through his apartment building, up to his apartment. As he walked in, he decided to share the news with Raditz.

"Raditz! Hey Raditz, I have something to tell you", he said as he walk through the living-room and passed by the kitchen. "He must be in the bedroom with his baby brother", thought Bardock, as he walked up to the bedroom door.

When he open the door he was greeted by the most cutest sight ever. A baby Kakarot, on the bedroom floor, sitting up with only a diaper on, cuddling with his soft fluffy brown tail as he silently cooed to himself. But no Raditz.

Bardock looked down at his son and noticed how big his eyes were. "Scary!", he thought, "So, where is your big brother?", Bardock asked, kinda expecting an answer.

"Baba", Kakarot said in a high pitch voice.

"Yeah that's right, I am your baba… Babies are so weird. Your big brother, Raditz, is so grounded when he comes home. I don't really care that he left you home alone… It's just that he expects me to take care of you…, and I'm sure you do too but…, I'm not. If you start crying, you're going outside buddy. I hate kids…, never do anything, but always want something.", said Bardock, thinking out loud to himself.

"Wait a minute", said Bardock, "That god damn Raditz is supposed to be here to baby-sit Prince Vegeta. Damn I hate that boy. Where the hell is he!?"

Bardock looked down at his son, who was looking up at him. "Your probably hungry, aren't ya little boy?", asked Bardock, "Here I'll go get you some bananas.", he said as he walked out of the bedroom door and into the kitchen.

"I may be very poor, but I always have a lot of food in my house", thought Bardock as he grabbed the bananas and made his way back to the bedroom. He handed an unpeeled banana to his son who grabbed it and started to chow down.

5:30 pm

Bardock was still enjoying the company of his son as the phone rang.

"Mr. Bardock, we have a Prince Vegeta and a Nappa waiting for you.", said the women who works at the front desk of the apartment building.

"Oh, I'll be there", said Bardock, as he hung-up the phone. "I'll be right back baby.", he said, as he walked out the door.

In the lobby, there waited a pouty faced Vegeta and a bald headed Nappa. "Alright, here is the manual and there is the boy. I'll be praying for ya, Bardock. You're gonna need it!", said Nappa, as he walked out of the apartment building.

"Wait a minute", said Bardock, "You come with a manual!?"

"Daa, asswipe", said the four-year-old Prince Vegeta, "My daddy says, all little boys come with a manual."

"But I didn't", said Bardock.

"Well then, you must not be a boy, you bitch.", said the annoyed little prince.

"Look kid, all that bad language isn't cute for a four-year-old. And where did you hear these words from anyway kid?", asked Bardock, as they both walked to his apartment.

"Nappa, you asswipe.", said the little prince.

"Look kid, for your information my name is not asswipe okay, it's Bardock.", said Bardock, trying not to get mad.

"I like asswipe better", said a smart mouth Vegeta, as he walked into Bardocks apartment. "This is your dwelling. Wow, it's almost shittier than you. I guess it suits you then."

"You sit down as I read the manual, okay", said Bardock as he took a seat on the couch in the living-room. Vegeta did as Bardock said and took a seat on the floor, in front of Bardock.

"Okay", said Bardock, "Number one, do not tease or get Prince Vegeta upset or angry. Alright I can do that. Number two, keep away from women and small children. Wait a minute, keep away from women and small children!? What the hell do you do to women and small children!?", asked Bardock.

"If you have any here you'll find out.", said the prince.

"Okay", said Bardock, "Number three, must have a nap everyday or will be cranky." Did you have your nap yet?", asked Bardock.

"No, and I'm not sleepy!", said the prince, already sounding cranky.

"Alright", said Bardock, "Number four, must have a sparring partner and spar everyday, or will be upset, angry, and cranky. Okay, I can do that. Number five, must be fed everyday or you will lose an ARM!? Shit, I'm not losing no ARM! Number six, must be bathed and groomed everyday. Have you had your bath yet?", asked Bardock.

"Shit, have you drunky!?", asked Prince Vegeta.

"So you still need your bath, okay. Number seven, no junk food after 6:00 pm. You got that, no candy.", said Bardock.

"That rule is a bunch of bullshit. I can eat candy when ever I want to.", pouted Vegeta.

"And last, number eight, bedtime at 9:30. Well alright, I say you should have your nap now.", said Bardock.

"I don't feel like it! You can't make me! Unless you wanna lose an arm or something, I suggest that you do something to entertain me.", order Vegeta.

"Look kid, I'm not gonna lose no damn arm over you, so shut the fuck up about that arm thing, okay! And if you're bored, go play with Kakarot or something.", said Bardock.

"Who's Kakarot?", asked Vegeta.

"My baby boy.", said Bardock, "He's in the bedroom."

"Can you take me to Kakarot?", asked Vegeta, as he stood up.

"Okay, you can feed him if you want.", said Bardock, as he leads the way to the bedroom. "Here he is. Looks like he's still awake. Now then, you play nicely with Kakarot, because it said in the manual to keep you away from small children. Do you promise you'll play nicely with my son?", asked Bardock.

"I promise", Vegeta said, as he crossed his fingers behind his back.

"Good, I'll be on the couch if you need me", Bardock said as he left the room and left Kakarot all alone, in the hands of the four-year-old tyrant.


	5. Chapter 5: A True Saiyan Scrap Out

A True Saiyan Scrap Out

Friday, 7:30 pm

Two hours have passed, and Bardock had fallen asleep on the couch. But as he was sleeping a vision had started to form inside of his head…

"No not another one! Damn you! Get out of my head! Wait, what's this? It's Prince Vegeta and baby Kakarot. W… what is Vegeta doing with that knife? No! Get away from my son! No!"

And with that Bardock woke up with sweat coming down his face. He got up and ran to the bedroom door but it was locked. "Open this god damn door right now, Vegeta! Stay away from my son!", screamed Bardock, as he banged on the door.

Just then Vegeta open the door to let in Bardock. Bardock shoved Vegeta out of the way to get to his crying son. And there the crying Kakarot lay, on the floor, TAILLESS!

"How dare you cut off my sons tail!", screamed Bardock, "Now that you've cut off his tail, he won't be able to do his mission on planet Earth next week! It will take too long for his tail to grow back! They'll have to send someone else's baby and me and Raditz will be stuck with him for another YEAR! You better run brat, because I'm gonna kill you!"

"I'll like to see you try, asswipe. I've been waiting for some action all day.", said the prince, as he prepared to fight Bardock. "Come on you low-level bitch, hit me with your best shot. Lets make this a real fist fight so that we won't fuck up your shitty apartment, that means no ki blasts.

"Say good night little prince, because after this fight your gonna be sleeping for a while.", said an angry Bardock.

"I'm waiting", said Vegeta.

And with those words the fight began. Bardock got the first blow, punching Prince Vegeta right in the gut. And with that one punch Prince Vegeta knew what he was up against. Bardock was no low-level, Prince Vegeta now knew this, he was stronger than Napa. Next Bardock lifted Prince Vegeta by his ears and began repeatedly banging his face against the prince's. But Vegeta did a backflip kick and it hit Bardock right in his jaws, causing his teeth to grind against each other. Vegeta then began to punch and kick Bardock repeatedly in the face. Once he stopped Bardock fell to the floor on his back, coughing up blood. Vegeta then began to stomp on Bardock's chest repeatedly. This made Bardock gasp for air as blood poured from his mouth. Once Vegeta finally stopped, Bardock didn't waste any time getting up. He grabbed the four-year-old prince with one hand, by the neck and began to squeeze. With his free hand Bardock began to punch Vegeta repeatedly on the nose, causing the prince to have a really bad nose bleed. Vegeta then began to kick Bardock in his chest, which cause much pain because of the stomping Vegeta gave him earlier. Bardock had to let go of Vegeta's neck, but this was the worst mistake he did all day _(besides agreeing to babysit the prince in the first place)_. Prince Vegeta then kicked him in the nuts, which caused Bardock to fall to the floor. Vegeta then began stomping on his arms and legs. Bardock could no longer move.

"Okay… gasp… Okay you little demon… gasp… I give up… gasp… You win… gasp… Now please,… gasp… leave me be… gasp… Just let me lie here… gasp… in… gasp… my… gasp… own… gasp… defeat… gasp… gasp… gasp…", Bardock begged in a hush whisper.

"But why Bardock, it was just getting fun?", asked Vegeta with an evil smile on his face, "You don't want to play any more?"

"I don't know what you think playing is… gasp… but that was not it", Bardock said as he tried to stand up.

"Ha…", said Vegeta, "I don't wanna play with you anymore, anyway. I wanna play with Kakarot."

"Good I'm glad you don't wanna play with me any more", said Bardock, "I need to take a hot bath to soak my aching body. But Vegeta please try not to hurt my son. I'm really not ganna try to stop you from doing what ever you want anymore, just try not to play too ruff with the boy."

"I guess, I can try", Vegeta replied.

"Good", said Bardock.

Bardock then looked around to see that they were still in the bedroom, with the baby. Luckily nothing got broken, but there were large blood stains on the carpet. Bardock picked his baby off the floor and laid him in his crib. The bathroom is inside the bedroom, so he didn't have to leave the bedroom to get to the bathroom. He grabbed a change of clothes and walked into the bathroom. As he walked into the bathroom, he stared at Vegeta, who was sitting on the floor, looking back at Bardock with a big shot smile on his face.

"Yeah, you keep that smile on your face, you little demon. Shit, you earned it", Bardock thought to himself.

Bardock ran only hot water for his bath. He undressed himself and climbed into the bathtub. And there he fell asleep.

9:00 pm

Bardock woke in the tub, feeling much better. He climbed out of the tub and grabbed his towle. Once dry, he put on his clean clothes and was about to hang up his towel when he noticed something.

"What…, the second towel where is it?", Bardock thought to himself, "We only have two towels, one for me and one for Raditz."

Bardock looked to see if Raditz's toothbrush was still there.

"Okay, here his toothbrush is, so he didn't decide to move out.", thought Bardock, "That's weird. Where would Raditz go that would require a towel?"


	6. Chapter 6: Marijuana Bonding

Marijuana Bonding

Friday, 9:15 pm

Bardock walked out of the bathroom, with Raditz on his mind. He knows that Raditz does a lot of things that he doesn't know about, Bardock only knows bits and pieces of Raditz's personal life. And the only reason Bardock even knows that much about Raditz is because of his visions.

Bardock noticed Prince Vegeta lying on his bed, sleeping. But when Vegeta heard Bardock come out of the bathroom he instantly woke up. As Vegeta was still lying in Bardocks bed, he stared at Bardock. Bardock fell to the floor, still feeling the pain that Vegeta caused to him earlier. But as Bardock began to sit up, he noticed Kakarots tail lying by him. Bardock then decided to grab it and tie it around his head, like a scarf.

Bardock then began to think out loud to himself.

"Man, I'm in so much pain, it's too bad I don't have any more liquor in the house. That would make me feel much better if I did."

"Hey, Bardock! I'm board!", complained Vegeta, as he climb down from the bed.

"Hey, me too kid", said Bardock, "Like I was saying, it's too bad I don't have any more liquor in the house. We'd probably be able to have fun with that."

"Are you saying that if there was liquor in the house, you'd let me have some", asked Vegeta.

"Yeah kid, liquor always makes everything funner." said Bardock, "Wait a minute… Raditz's secret, big old bag of weed! I've forgotten all about it! We can heat that up and get really high! And that will most definitely make me feel better!

"Who's Raditz?", asked Vegeta, "And is getting high any fun?"

"Raditz is my 15-year-old son, and heck yeah, getting high will be super fun! I'm so excited!", said Bardock, as he began to stand.

"Wait, but you said his bag of weed was a secret, right. So how do you know about it?", asked Vegeta.

"Well I've seen him hide it behind the vegetables inside the refrigerator, in one of my visions. I always promised myself that I wouldn't touch it but… Desperate times calls for desperate measures", said Bardock as he began to go to the kitchen to get the marijuana.

When Bardock came back with the marijuana, he noticed something strange.

"Hey that's odd, looks like someone took half the marijuana out of the bag. Must have been Raditz. Where ever he is, he must be partying", said Bardock as he thought out loud to himself. "Come on Vegeta, grab the radio and get into the bathroom. We don't want the whole apartment smelling like weed when Raditz gets home, so we're gonna have to light this up, in the bathroom, with the door shut", said Bardock as he grabbed the wrapping paper and the lighter off the table.

12:51 am

Bardock and Vegeta were both laid out on the bathroom floor. Bardock's head was facing the bathtub and his feet were facing the door. Vegeta's head was facing the door and his feet were facing the bathtub. And in between the both of them was the quarter of a bag full of weed, the wrapping paper and the lighter. Vegeta and Bardock both had there 15th blunt in their hand as the song "Paper Planes" by M.I.A was playing on the radio.

Bardock: "So, how you feelin'?"

Vegeta: "I feel so awesome right now, man."

Bardock: "You feel high?"

Vegeta: "As a kite, man."

They both began to chuckle.

Bardock: "Hey man, have your balls ever itch, like really bad, and you're like, at an important meeting, so like you can't itch them. And then you start moving your legs together, trying to itch them."

Vegeta: "I've never been to an important meeting."

Bardock: "Chuckle… Like, me neither."

They both began to chuckle.

Bardock: "I love this song so much, man. It's like she knows me. I bet she's like, super hot."

Vegeta: "I bet she got big boobs"

They both began to chuckle.

Bardock: "Man, she has to have big boobs."

Vegeta: "I like… I like, hope…, Wait, hold up, hold up, hold up, I can do it now. I like, hope she has big boobs."

Their chuckles turned in to laughter.

Bardock: "Hey man, our favorite part is coming on, sing it with me."

Vegeta: "Alright man, like what ever."

They both sang: "All I wanna do is BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, and CHING! And take your money! All I wanna do is BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, and CHING! And take your money! All I wanna do is BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, and CHING! And take your money! All I wanna do is BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, and CHING! And take your money!"

Bardock: "Aw man, if only it was like, that easy, getting money I mean."

Vegeta: "Shit man…, for me it is."

Bardock: "Man I know! Your like crazy strong, for a four-year-old."

Vegeta: "Chuckle… I know I am."

Bardock: "Your like super cool too man, my son, Raditz, would never do anything like this with me, and he's like my son, man."

Vegeta: "Woe, woe, woe, wait a minute... Do you feel that bro. My stomach is like eating itself. I'm fucking starving."

Bardock: "Oh my god man! Hurry up and open the damn door. We gotta eat like, right now."

Vegeta: "But Bardock, the door won't open!"

Bardock: "Blast it then!"

Vegeta then blast the door down and they both ran to the kitchen, where they both ate what ever they could find, making a huge mess. Now, they both lie out on the kitchen floor, feeling full.

Bardock: "Man, it's like I just feel so close to you, not like a father and son thing, but like a brother thing, like we're equals."

Vegeta: "Yeah man, I feel the same way."

Bardock: "Vegeta, I wanna dance, will you like dance with me man?"

Vegeta: "Only if there's some music playing man."

Bardock: "Well then man, like go get the radio."

Vegeta quickly ran to the bathroom to get the radio and ran back to the kitchen to dance. Bardock plugged it in and the song "Somebody That I Used To Know" by Gotye (feat. Kimbra) came on, and they both began to dance. As they dance they were holding hands, looking like they were doing a strange version of ring around the rosie.

Bardock: "Sing with me man like, use your voice."

Vegeta: "Alright guy."

They both sang: "But you didn't have to cut me off. Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing. And I don't even need your love. But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough. No you didn't have to stoop so low. Have your friends collect your records and then change your number. I guess that I don't need that though. Now you're just somebody that I used to know. Somebody, that I used to know. Now you're just somebody that I used to know."

Vegeta: "This is so fun but it feels like we're missing something."

Bardock: "We are, like no bitches dude."

Vegeta: "Bitches! We need bitches! Go get some."

Bardock: "Okay man, do you know how many bitches live in this apartment. And they'll come because I'm like a really friendly person, and like, plus the free weed."

Vegeta: "Go get the bitches, Bardock! I want mine with big boobs!"

Bardock: "Alright, and Vegeta, girls don't like it when you call them bitches, so like, call them pretty mamas. They'll think that you're so cute if you do that."

Vegeta: "Alright. Don't get too many, or they'll smoke up all are weed."

Bardock: "Alright I'll get enough. That means two."

1:26 am

The "pretty mamas" have arrived and Bardock found Raditz's CD of the Doors, which they got really high too. They both thought that Vegeta was the cutest thing ever.

4:57 am

Bardock, Vegeta, and the two "pretty mamas" were in the bedroom sleeping. Vegeta was in Bardock's bed and Bardock and the two "pretty mamas" were in Raditz's bed. Vegeta and Bardock both had a good time. Bardock has to be the best babysitter ever.

* * *

Next chapter is about Raditz.


	7. Chapter 7: Spirit Bros

Spirit Bros

Saturday, 5:30 am

Around this time Bardock woke up. So, he decided to wake up his two women friends and showed them the way out. As Bardock was still in the living-room, were he let the hores out, he was thinking about his son, Raditz, and was worried about him for some reason. He decided to sit on the couch in the living-room, and wait for him to come home. And there he was, left alone with his thoughts…

"Why man, why must I be like, a total dick? I like just smoked up all my son's weed. I'm such a dumbass, not Raditz! To be honest to myself, I don't really think that Raditz is a dumbass at all, like HELL NO! Raditz is like the smartest person I ever met! I'm only hard on him, calling him dumbass and stuff, because I'm a dumbass myself. I'm lazy, I'm a drunk, I'm a liar and a thief, but most importantly I'm a dumbass. And I call Raditz everything that I am because I love him. I do it so that he won't be one. I do it so that he won't grow up and be like ME! And I know he hates me because of it, not knowing that I do it on purpose. But I'd rather have my son hate me and grow up to have a good life, then to have him love me and have a bad one."

6:00 am

Raditz was lying in bed with his best friend, Panini, when he woke up. Raditz looked around the room and realized he was still at Panini's apartment. He had his arms wrapped around her waist and his nose touching the back of her neck. Raditz looked up to see what time it was. The clock said 6:00 am. Raditz quickly moved his arms from around her waist and got out of bed. He quickly and quietly picked up his clothes from off the floor, grabbed his still damp towel and the rest of the extra marijuana, and left into the living room. There he began to get dressed and left out the door. In the hallway, he was on the 3rd floor and had to get to the 7th floor to be at his dads apartment. Once there, he used his key to let himself in.

"Raditz!", said Bardock, "Where the hell were you at. Do you know that it's six o'clock in the morning!"

"I was over Panini's apartment", said Raditz looking very dizzy and sleepy. "She called me over there."

"Oh!", said Bardock shyly, because he doesn't like to talk about Raditz's personal life, "But you left your baby brother alone."

"I know what I did! At first, I said no, when Panini called me, but then mom called me and told me that you were harassing her at work again. So I called Panini back and told her I'll be there. What were you doing at the bar, Bardock!"

"Why did you trust me in the first place Raditz! You knew I was gonna get drunk", said Bardock, "And why did you bring your towel with you."

Raditz was holding his towel in a way to hide the marijuana. He was thinking that his weed must be very strong smelling, because that's all he'd been smelling ever since he walk into his dad's apartment.

"I went swimming dad", said Raditz, "And why did you trash the living-room?"

"You didn't go swimming. I don't see your swimming suit", said Bardock.

"I didn't need it dad, now about the living-room", asked Raditz.

"Hey man, the whole house is like, trashed", said Bardock.

"Why?", asked Raditz.

"Come into the bedroom with me first", said Bardock.

As Raditz was following Bardock they passed by the dirty kitchen, filled with dirty dishes, but no food. In the bedroom Raditz could see everything, the blood stains in the carpet, a knife on the floor, the destroyed bathroom door on the floor, a little boy in his dad's bed, and poor little hungry tailless Kakarot.

Raditz: Dad why is there a little boy in your bed?

Bardock: Oh, that's just Prince Vegeta.

Raditz: Why is Prince Vegeta in your bed.

Bardock: King Vegeta said he'd give me that raise if I baby-sit his son for the weekend. So I said yes, of course. But I now realize it was a trap, the boy's a demon. But after we "hung out" a bit, I think he likes me a little more.

Raditz: Okay, but how did all this happen.

Bardock: Here, I'll explain. First, Vegeta cut off Kakarot's tail, I got mad. So then, we fought in the bedroom, he won and I was coughing up blood. Then, I took a bath. Next, we ate all the food in the kitchen. And last, we fell asleep.

Raditz: That three-year-old boy won in a fight against you!

Bardock: He's four, and yes.

Raditz: You're an idiot. How did you wreck the whole apartment? And how did you guys eat a weeks worth of food?

Bardock: Daa… The party did it… I mean, the fight did it! The fight wreck the whole apartment. And we were VERY hungry after the fight.

Raditz: You said you guys fought in the bedroom right? So how did you wreck the living-room?

Bardock: I don't know. The ki blasts did it…?

Just then, Vegeta woke up and had his eyes on Raditz.

Vegeta: Is this your son, Bardock?

Bardock: Yeah, that's Raditz.

Vegeta: What was he doing all night?

Bardock: Lets just say, Dewey did it! Dewey did it all night long!

Vegeta: Who's Dewey?

Raditz: DAD! YOUR TALKING TO A FOUR-YOUR-OLD BOY! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!?

Vegeta: Hey, don't yell at my SPIRIT BRO like that!

Raditz: SPIRIT BRO! What's a SPIRIT BRO!?

Bardock: Me and Vegeta became spirit bros last night. It's like, we're brothers, but in spirit. Vegeta came up with the name, it's pretty awesome.

Raditz: NO IT'S NOT! IT'S FUCKING RETARDED! What's up with you! You're acting like five times the retard you us to be.

Vegeta: It's the weed man, it like changes you.

Raditz: What did you just say?

Bardock: Vegeta man, NO! You like just blow are cover, man!

Raditz: Are you saying that you two went messing with MY "STUFF"! WAIT A MINUTE, YOU LET THE FOUR-YEAR-OLD PRINCE HAVE SOME!?

Vegeta: No man, I didn't have _some_. We like, totally split it in half, dude.

Raditz: DAD, YOU'RE A RETARD! AND THE BOY'S STILL HIGH, RIGHT NOW!

Bardock: Tss… I'm still high too. And you're acting like I gave him crack or something.

Vegeta: What's crack?

Bardock: I don't really know, but I think it's better then weed though. I'll have to get some for us, spirit bro.

Vegeta: That sounds COOL! Better then WEED! WOW!

Raditz: NOW YOU'RE TRYING TO TURN ARE FUTURE KING INTO A CRACK HEAD! YOU TWO, GO BACK TO BED, RIGHT NOW! I NEED TO CLEAN YOUR MESS, SO GO BACK TO BED, NOW!

Bardock: Okay, okay. We'll go to bed. But what are we gonna eat tomorrow. Like, no food or no money.

Raditz: Don't worry about that, go to bed.

Vegeta: Hey Bardock, you know how I'm like your spirit bro, well doesn't that mean I'm Raditz's spirit uncle, right. But Raditz should be like, our spirit mom. He acts like a mom, and he has long hair like a mom.

Bardock: Yeah, that makes sense spirit bro, so how about it spirit mom.

Raditz: GO TO BED YOU TWO POTHEADS!

Vegeta and Bardock: Okay, spirit mom.

The two idiots did as Raditz ordered, and fell a sleep. Raditz cleaned the living-room, washed the dishes, cleaned the kitchen, cleaned the bathroom, got the blood stains out of the carpet, picked up the knife, and picked up every last piece of the bathrooms broken door.

Raditz: Because of those potheads, the bathroom doesn't even have a door any more. And Kakarot is tailless and hungry. They even ate the baby food! I think Panini can help though. But I don't even wanna call her, she'll be mad at me for leaving her. To bad for me.

Raditz called his best friend Panini on his phone.

Raditz: Good morning, Panini.

Panini: Raditz, is that you! Why did you leave me!? I told you to stay with me, I've been feeling bad spirits everywhere! I'm scared!

Raditz: My dad called me up, he wanted me home. But I need to borrow some money for groceries. Oh yeah, and can my little brother stay with you for the rest of the weekend?

Panini: Of course, little Kakarot is always welcome here. And I don't want to be here alone, with the bad spirits in the house. And I'll give you the money if you give me the rest of your pot. _(Panini's a real pothead.)_

Raditz: Alright, deal. Be sure to feed my little brother, he's very hungry.

Panini: Alright then I'll be there for the baby and the pot. I'll be sure to bring the money.

8:45 am

Baby Kakarot is now at Panini's apartment and so is the last bit of Raditz's marijuana. Raditz now has money for groceries, which he will go grocery shopping later.

Raditz was so sleepy that he decided to get in his top bunk bed and sleep with his moron of a father. There the three sleepy Saiyans lie.

* * *

Next chapter is about their dreams.


End file.
